My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
