grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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