i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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