Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
