Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
