Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
