some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
