it was like his penis was on wheels.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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