I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
