Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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