Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
