i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
