my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
