there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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