i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
