Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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