I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
