he wants to bone in the snuggie
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
