Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
