It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
