If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
