And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
