i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
