After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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