There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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