i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
