The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
