Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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