the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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