He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
