he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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