i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
