I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
