Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
