Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
