he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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