well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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