Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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