Well apparently he's into motor boating.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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