Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
