So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
