Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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