the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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