I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
