Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
