I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
