Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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