I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
