Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
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