and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
