I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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