I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
everyone is single if you try hard enough
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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