i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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