I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
