I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
