i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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