Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Randomize
