You smell like stripper and shame
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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