I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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