Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
