So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
the condom got lost in my hair
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
This house was built for laser tag.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
