that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
