And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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