Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
The adults are the big ones right?
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