she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You were trust falling into bushes
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
